Anatomy of a Saved Easter Basket Fiasco
I could blame the fever, the cough, the cold… I could also blame the alignment of the stars… but it would just be an excuse. A lie. A good, pasable and possible, totally believable lie, but a lie.
The truth is, we simply forgot. As in, it didn’t even cross my mind.
The Easter Basket.
After a busy and rough week, running around and then being grounded by illness, the Easter basket was pretty much the last thing on our minds.
But, I can assure you, the kid will remember tomorrow morning.
And so it was that at 10:28pm Andy and I started a hilarious text conversation. Why text? Because he’s been relegated to sleeping in the kiddos bed- since she insisted on sleeping with me.
The conversation and events that followed are so freaking us that I just had to share, verbatim, with you.
And yes, someday my kid will be old enough to go back and read this and realize how whack her parents can be. I look forward to the truth coming out.
Me: You awake?
Andy: Watching Netflix
Me: I just realized we never got Easter grass or paper to wrap the kiddos present in!
Andy: it’s ok
Me: so what am I doing with it? (It being the present)
Andy: wrapping it I guess
Me: I think there’s an old Easter Basket in the sun room. We could put it in there… but I don’t know what we’re going to do about grass or Easter eggs
Andy: Don’t know baby, she’s not gonna care once she sees it (the present)
Me: Guess we could wait till after your parents house tomorrow morning and wrap it in that (I know his parents will have plenty of Easter grass). She can just open it after Easter dinner.
Andy: that’s fine
Me: lol, you don’t care. You just want to finish watching your movie huh? Lol…
Andy: love you
A few minutes go by…
Andy: wait, are we just giving her the present? No Easter Basket??
Me: Well, I don’t know. Never got around to anything… I was going to set up a scavenger hunt but then we got busy and then she got sick… short of one of us going and picking up stuff to make a basket… I guess it’s just the present this year. She wakes up if I get up to pee so there’s no way I can run to the store right now.
Andy: I guess I’ll go to the store and get her a basket.
Me: don’t get a full one. We have a basket. Just get the plastic eggs and candy and grass. We’ll hide the present under that stuff.
Andy: it’s easier if I just get a basket.
Me: ok I guess. Don’t spend too much on the darn thing!
Andy: why are you yelling at me?
Me: lol, I’m not! Oh, send me a picture before you buy the thing.
It’s at that point, 10:44pm, that my husband walked into the bedroom and said: I’m not walking around the store taking pictures of stuff for you to approve… I cut him short and said ok.
Off to the store he went, our Easter bunny in action.
Andy: they don’t have sh#!
Me: where are you?
Andy: (mentions the name of a store that is not the one I told him to go to)
Me: do they have grass and plastic eggs? They have to! I saw a whole isle of Easter stuff earlier this week.
Andy: they have plastic eggs filled with candy and blue grass.
Me: that will do. Try to get the candy that she likes. And plenty of grass, I need it to cover the present.
Andy: the candy is already in the eggs
Me: oh ok
Me: put everything on the kitchen counter and I’ll put it all together when you get home
Andy: on the way home
Me: ok baby, love you
Andy: (back at home) what are the plastic eggs for?
Me: for the candy. Wait, did you buy plastic eggs or eggs with candy already in them? Did you buy the eggs with candy AND plastic eggs?? The plastic eggs were to put candy in them. Lol… this is hilarious. We’re just pulling it all out of thin air as we go along hey…
Andy: found just the eggs
Me: what does that mean? Do the eggs you bought have candy in them or not?
Me: no what?
Andy: I found ones with no candy
Me: lol… seriously trying very hard not to crack up in bed! Did you buy candy?
Andy: I’m just going to put the grass and candy in the basket
Me: … and inside the darn empty plastic eggs?
Andy: I am not going to sit up and put candy in the eggs
Me: well not if you didn’t buy candy to put in them! What DID you buy?
Andy: the candy and grass is going in the basket. I got candy. And eggs. And grass.
Me: is the candy small enough to go into the plastic eggs?
Me: I’ll do it then
Me: just leave it on the counter in the kitchen. I’ll get up and make an excuse. Open the bags so I can do it as fast as possible.
Andy: why would you put candy in the eggs and then in the basket? Why not just put the candy in the basket? What’s with the eggs??
Me: because that’s the way it’s freaking done!
Me: that’s how The Easter bunny has always done it!
Andy: never. Lol
Me: for the love of g#? man! Don’t you remember being a kid? I’m sure your mom
and dad did the same thing… though probably not at 11pm
Andy: your bunny must have been on crack
Me: my bunny kicked a*#!
Me: yeah, he did. You just clearly don’t remember. The darn candy always goes into the plastic eggs
Andy: the candy was in the basket. We had one plastic eggs with money in it.
Me: what the heck do you think the plastic eggs are for?
Andy: egg hunts
Me: YOUR bunny was on crack
Andy: not in the basket
Me: ohh, yeahh… you’re right… your bunny is whack! It all makes sense now... (all of a sudden years of Easter Sunday’s with Andy’s family finally make sense)
Andy: let me do this so I can go to bed
Me: yeah, no, the bunny is supposed to put plastic eggs in your basket
Andy: she’s gonna see this and say “mom
I think there’s something wrong with the Easter bunny”
Me: make it pretty man! This is your job as The Dad. Fix it. So… is it in front of the microwave?
Andy: yes. I sprinkled some candy in the basket the way a non whack bunny does it.
Me: you have weird bunny traditions
Andy: no, you do
Me: millions of people agree with my bunny
Andy: in your head maybe
Me: your traditions are kinda odd. Never really thought about it before. Now if the kid can stop moving I can put the gift in the basket…
The piece de resistance, the gift, is hidden in my drawer inside the bedroom. If ever it was inconvenient to have a light sleeper in my bed, this was it!
Off i went, tiptoeing and opening the drawer ever so lightly.
As luck would have it I didn’t have to use the “I’m just going to the bathroom” excuse, or the “I’m out here getting some water, I’ll be right back in” excuse.
Because she slept through it? No! What type of kid did you get?! As I put the final touches on her gift, in the bathroom pretending to pee, I heard a noise. When I opened the door the kid had gotten out of bed and walked over to open the bedroom door I had so diligently closed behind me. She was half awake.
Back to the texting I went.
Me: you awake?
Andy: fast asleep
Me: I closed the door to the bedroom when I came out but the kid got up to open it… she’s only half asleep… I don’t want to set it all up and have her surprise me halfway through it… I put the gift next to the basket, can you take out the grass and candy and put the gift underneath it?
Andy: ok. I put it underneath the grass, you can’t see it
Me: perfect. And in the middle of the table?
Andy: on the table. Probably not in the middle.
Me: awesome. You rock.
Andy: going to sleep now
Me: love you
Andy: love you too
Tonight, in the end, we got the darn basket prepared and set up in an hour. Well, maybe a bit more. Yey.
It waits for tomorrow morning, for a sleepy princess to walk into the living room and find it, for a kid ready for a sugar rush, and, buried in the plastic grass, a surprise waiting to be found.
Why go through it all? Because this might be the last Easter I can get away with this. Not the basket, but the kid version of Easter morning. And even though I clearly suck at the preparation part, I will miss it more than I can tell.